When It Feels Like *Nothing* is Working

Ever feel like you just can’t make this working mom thing work?

Like no matter what you do, you can’t get all of the things you need to get done, done? At work and at home?

You make lists, keep a tight calendar, and do your best to stay organized. But inevitably, something falls through the cracks and you start to think that was all a waste of time and effort.

If you put in extra hours at work to get caught up, you’re exhausted when you get home.  And it cuts into the already not-enough time you get to spend with your kids.

Set the housework aside to spend quality time with the hubby and kids, then the house feels like a disorganized mess. (But seriously, who doesn’t like dressing their kids every day from clothes pulled straight from the laundry basket? 😜)

Bust your hump to get the house clean and organized, and your family starts to feel like near strangers. Not to mention you’re still exhausted.

So many of us feel like no matter what we do and no matter how hard we try, we just can’t make it work.

And worse yet, we think that it’s because of us. That we’re doing something wrong. Because surely most other working moms have it all figured out.

But that, my friend, is not the case.

There’s nothing wrong with you. You are a perfect, beautiful, loving human being.

So the next time you start to feel that sense of can’t-get-it-all-done hopelessness, take a minute or two and do this little exercise:

Ask yourself: what evidence do I have that the opposite is true?

We spend so much time creating mental lists of all the things that don’t go right, that aren’t perfect, that we start to believe they are the truth.

But they are not the truth. They are just thoughts you have.

So now you’re going to make a list of evidence that the opposite of that is true.

Grab your favorite journal, a piece of paper, or even the note-taking app in your phone. Now make a list of a least a few ways you are making it work.

💪 I get a meal on the dinner table every day
💪 My kids go to school in clean clothes
💪 I earned a promotion & raise this year
💪 My husband & I are 9 years into a happy marriage

Simply going through the exercise of focusing on what is going right for you – the things we tend to overlook because we see them as ‘givens’ – reminds your brain that there really is some balance in your life.

If those examples thoughts don’t work because you are in a place of intense frustration – maybe they seem too unrealistic for you right now – start with some basics:

💪 My kids are getting an education
💪 Our pantry is never empty
💪 We have a home where we can sleep safely every night
💪 We have electricity and clean drinking water

You’d be surprised how looking at some of the very basics of life can make you feel you are accomplishing significant things for yourself and your family. They may not be huge, but they are indeed significant wins because you make it all happen.

If this little exercise doesn’t help your mind re-focus, or if you’ve simply had enough with struggling to make it all work, I can help you.

Together we’ll work on ways to toss aside your overwhelm and frustration for good, and create the path to get you the life you’ve been wanting.

A life where you feel confident. Relaxed. Fulfilled. At peace.

That life is waiting for you now. Let’s get started.

Click here to learn how.

💜

P.S. – It all starts with a FREE, 30-minute consultation. You’ll tell me where your biggest challenges are, and I’ll show you how it’s totally possible for you to have the life you want. But it doesn’t happen if you don’t make the move to get started. Click here to learn how.  

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Are You Paid What You’re Worth?

Earlier this week was Equal Pay Day, an observance created to bring awareness to the chronic gap between men’s and women’s wages. As of 2019, women working full time earned 82.3 cents for every dollar a man made in the U.S.

So. Not. OK.

While I agree that the bulk of this gap is created by a chronic patriarchal belief that a woman’s work somehow isn’t as valuable as a man’s, I have to be blunt and say that part of it has to do with the beliefs that some women have around money.

🧐 It’s not polite to talk about money/ask for more money.
🧐 You get paid what your employer thinks your job performance is worth, so you won’t get any more if you ask
🧐 You don’t ‘deserve’ to be paid more than anyone in the same job as you

As a feminist, I don’t mean to imply in any way that these pay gap or our beliefs are our ‘fault’.

But I will say that it’s time for us to take a serious review of our beliefs around money, and commit to giving them a refresh. Let go of any negative thoughts around what people think of us when it comes to wanting and deserving more money.

Money doesn’t come to you if and only if you ‘deserve’ it. You don’t have to ‘work harder and smarter’ for it.

Money comes from providing value.

Drop any modesty when it comes to reminding people of the value you provide, and be bold when asking for the amount of money that reflects that value.

The next time you’re discussing salary with an employer, remind them of that value. Especially if their reply is among these tired, busted b.s. lines:

💩💨 “That’s that standard salary we aim for for someone in your pay grade”
💩💨 “We only have so much in the salary pool, so if you get paid more, then someone else gets less”
💩💨 “My hands are tied now. We’ll have to look into it again in the next budget year.”

If they refuse to budge, WALK. Go find another employer who doesn’t discriminate by paying you less because of your gender, who does understand your value, and who is willing to pay you for it.

It may take a lot of work to find another job, work that you may not want to do.

But you have to ask yourself which are you willing to experience: short-term discomfort of having to look for another job? Or, long-term discomfort knowing all of the work you do put in is undervalued and you are chronically underpaid for it?

Meaningful change doesn’t happen when we choose to avoid the work and discomfort needed to make it happen.  

YOU. ARE. WORTH. EVERY. BIT. OF. IT.

If you need some help making that change happen for you, I’m here for you. I don’t just coach working moms on burnout and overwhelm – we cover all of the things that working moms face, including career and money goals.

Careers and money can have a huge emotional impact on your life and relationships. As your coach, I can help uncover any long-held beliefs you may have about either of them that may be holding you back, and help you create a new path to where you want to be.

Just reach out to get started.

P.S. – Still not convinced how important it is to be sure you’re paid what you’re worth? Check out this article from The Motley Fool that lays out the long-term effects of not getting paid what you’re worth: https://www.fool.com/research/women-in-investing-research/ Scroll down to the subheading “The gender pay gap”.

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Building Our Beliefs Around Money

Today is Equal Pay Day, created to bring awareness to the chronic gap between men’s and women’s wages. As of 2019, women working full time earned 82.3 cents for every dollar a man made in the U.S.

So. Not. OK.👎

While I agree that the bulk of this gap is created by a chronic patriarchal belief that a woman’s work somehow isn’t as valuable as a man’s, I have to be blunt and say that part of it has to do with the beliefs that some women have around money.

➡️ It’s not polite to talk about money/ask for more money.

➡️ You get paid what your employer thinks your job performance is worth, so you won’t get any more if you ask

➡️ You don’t ‘deserve’ to be paid more than anyone in the same job as you

And yet most men don’t have these beliefs. As a feminist, I don’t mean to imply in any way that these pay gap or our beliefs are our ‘fault’.

But I will say that it’s time for us to take a serious review of our beliefs around money, and commit to giving them a refresh. Let go of any drama around what people think of us when it comes to wanting and deserving more money.

Money doesn’t come to you if and only if you ‘deserve’ it. Money comes from providing value.

Drop the modesty when it comes to reminding people of the value you provide, and be bold when asking for the amount of money that reflects that value.

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Want to Make History? Know Your Worth

I’m so stoked to see so many women making history at last night’s Grammy Awards:

🏆 Taylor Swift scored Album of the Year again, making her the only woman to win that award 3 times

🏆 With 28 wins, Beyonce is now the most-awarded female artist in Grammys history

🏆 Megan Thee Stallion and Beyonce took home the Best Rap Performance award, making it the first all-women collaboration to win in that category

🏆 Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande also made history as the first all-women collab to win the Best Pop Duo/Group Performance award.

This is what happens when we support one another, decide not to take ‘no’ for an answer, and believe in ourselves 1000%.

Know your worth, ladies. And don’t ever be afraid to demand that others recognize it too.

History is waiting for you.

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🎥 Get More Done in this Last Stretch of Pandemic WFH!

Want to boost your focus and productivity in these last few weeks & months of WFH and SFH even with your kids and partner around all.day.long?

It’s officially one year since the start of the covid 19 pandemic restrictions when so many of us began working from home while our families are around. (Happy…Pandemicaversary??)

And even with the finish line in sight, so many moms are struggling to stay productive and not lose it on their kids.

To help, I created a video where I’m dropping some coaching bombs on:

✅  The hidden reasons why our kids and partner feel so %$&#@ distracting to us
✅  Why – even with the end in sight – it’s still valuable to learn these productivity hacks
✅Hack #1: How to handle what feels like an endless stream of interruptions, without frustration
✅Hack #2: How to quickly refocus after interruptions so you’re super-productive in spite of them
✅Hack #3: How to ditch the Mom Guilt if you’ve lost your cool with the kids while you’re all working & learning together

Click now to watch!

This past year, working moms the world over did an amazing job of quickly switching gears in order to get things done while also helping their kids learn.

I applaud you all, whatever that looked like for you.

👏👏👏 Take this moment and give yourself a hand. You deserve it. 👏👏👏

P.S.  If you’re struggling to keep it together because of the weight of this past year’s demands on your time, energy, and sanity, working with a coach can get you back on track. Click here for a FREE consult so we can talk about how to end your balancing-it-all struggles.

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Give Yourself Some Well-Earned Applause, Mama 👏

Moms are amazing. This past year, working moms the world over did an incredible job of quickly switching gears in order to get things done while also helping their kids learn and keeping their families safe. 💪

👏Working from home while the kids are home.

👏Working outside your home, and finding a way to keep your kids healthy and safe while you did.

👏Getting by on less income. Or no income.

👏All without our critical support networks of friends and family.

👏And with even fewer breaks than we normally get.

I applaud you all, whatever that looked like for you.

Take this moment and give yourself a hand. You deserve it. 💜

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So…How’s 2021 Treating You So Far? 🎉

Like most people, in late December I found myself looking forward to saying adios to 2020 and ringing in a new calendar year.

So now that it’s mid-January: how is 2021 playing out for ya so far?

🙁 The first Monday of the year a friend of mine called to say that some high winds blew a tree over and damaged her fence, and ‘now already 2021 sucks just as bad as 2020’.

😲 We weren’t a full week into the new year before our country experienced civic unrest that caught international attention. Afterwards, comments from reporters and in social media carried a common sentiment about how ‘it didn’t bode well for our country for 2021’.

😢 This morning a delivery guy told me how one of his friends died from a heart attack last week, so ‘already all the bad luck from 2020 is spilling over into this year’.

Not to minimize his loss, by any means. But the reality of life is that the events of 2020 had nothing to do with his friend’s passing, or the fallen tree, or (for the most part) what happened in D.C. last week.

Nor does it indicate that the rest of this calendar year will give us the same number or intensity of stress and challenges that last year did.   

While a new calendar year gives us a reason to adopt an emotional clean slate that gives us hope and helps us see what’s possible, it won’t shield us from challenges.

Life will still hand them to us willingly, no matter what.

Some years will be more challenging than others. We have no control over most of it.

But what we can always control is our emotions and how we react to the circumstances in our lives.

Reacting to life’s challenges by sitting in negativity and frustration blocks us from seeing what is good in our lives (and there is always good in our lives). From seeing what’s possible. And from experiencing the level of joy that’s available to us.

And it leaves us feeling like victims.

We always have the option to react by deciding to process any negative emotions, then move on from them, giving your positive emotions equal time.

Focusing on our positive emotions keeps us from feeling held back by the things that we can not control. Instead, it helps us see what’s possible for us in the coming year.

And to enjoy what we already have in our lives, right now.

A year from now, how do you want to look back and describe 2021?

You can decide that right now.

Just decide.

P.S. If the challenges of 2020 are still leaving you feeling stuck, maybe it’s time to put them behind you for good by investing in life coaching. New calendar year or not, we’re still living through a lot of the same challenges, and will be for a few more months. Get the help you can use to sail past it all now by scheduling a free 30-minute coaching call. Click here to schedule yours.

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This Never-Ending Situation 🗓🤦‍♀️

Unless you’ve lived off the grid for some time, you’re all too aware that we’ve been living with the numerous changes in our lives created by covid-19 for months now.

Some of us working moms have managed to get by with the resulting working- and schooling-at-home arrangements with the understanding that even though it may be frustrating, it’s just temporary and everything will go back to normal soon.

Except, what we initially thought would be a few weeks turned into a few months. A few months that feel more like a few years. 

We’re heading into the latter part of summer, and the relief many of us envisioned by now from the pandemic-induced adjustments is partial, at best. 

Unless you live in a school district that’s sending kids back to school in person, full-time, fall isn’t looking much different either.

No one really knows when this will end. 

All we know is that we’ve been white-knuckling it for so long our fingers feel like they’re going to fall off. 🖐

So the question is: how do you want to handle it going forward, until our lives get back to normal?

It’s only human to want to commiserate with our partners, our families, and our friends over the emotional stresses brought on by the extra workload moms have taken on this year. 

But be careful of allowing your thoughts to always go to a place of hopelessness, frustration, and victimhood.  

That’s not the mindset that brings you the peace and clarity that will serve you.

Your thoughts drive the feelings that create the actions that produce your results. 

While you may not be able to change the situation, you are certainly in charge of how you think about it for the rest of its duration. 

So how do you want to think about it going forward?

🔥What if you decided that you are going to find the way to make these adjustments work for you? 

🔥To focus your mental energy on creating the solution to make it work, rather than spinning in frustration and indecision?

🔥That you can have your kids and partner at home all day and still accomplish what you want to?

🔥And that all those inconveniences and interruptions in your day aren’t barriers to getting things done, just blips that you handle then skim right back to the task at hand because you are a bada** Mama.  

Decide on the outcome you want for yourself during this time. 

Then decide what thoughts and feelings you want to have and the actions you want to take in order to get it. 

The decisions are yours, Mama. 🦸‍♀️

Let’s do this. 

P.S. I know for some of you that managing your thoughts in the current situation might seem impossible. When you’ve gone from the overwhelm of keeping up with your day-to-day life, to the burnout of staying on top of your multiple roles of career woman, mom, and wife in one setting, it’s easy to feel buried. I can help you dig out of that hole for good. Just click here to get started.

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Mama, stop hiding in the bathroom.

HEY! I see you hiding in the bathroom, scrolling through your phone. 🚽

Yeah, you.

The mom who’s frazzled from trying to get work done while the kids are at home.

You just want some time to work uninterrupted.

But they want you constantly – to help with school work, to get snacks, and to play referee when they argue at least once every 19.5 minutes.

You love them with all your heart and soul, of course. But oh boy, would you just love some time away from them right now.

Except that’s not on the list of options at the moment.

So you escape the frustration by hiding in the bathroom with your phone.

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

“I don’t want to go back out there” you think in the back of your mind while swiping through someone’s banana bread pictures.

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

“Why can’t they just behave themselves and leave me alone so I can get things done?”

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

“I have so much work to do. But if I don’t get a break from them I’m going to lose it.”

And guess what’s happening? You’re not getting any.work.done.

The kids are still arguing. They still need help with their homework.

And you still have to submit that report by 5:00 p.m.

That’s stuff’s not going away no matter how long you hide in there.

Nothing on in your social media feed will give you the relief you’re craving.

It’s time you got some help from a life coach.

CLICK HERE to sign up for a free consultation.

Tell me ‘bout all your frustrations, and I’ll give you the secret of what to do the next time you want to lock yourself away in the bathroom that will prevent it from happening again.

Best part is, the first 30 minute session is FREE.

But you’ll feel so much better you might offer me a roll of toilet paper from your pandemic stash in appreciation. 🧻

Stop hiding. Click here to schedule your FREE session now.

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On Hunkering Down

I’ve talked to a lot of people recently who seem to be living in a state of endless ‘on hold’. They’re waiting for things to get ‘back to normal’.

Here’s why I encourage people not to do that:

When we think of the present moment as “waiting it out” we create a mental and emotional limit for ourselves.

“Waiting for it to end” feels so imprisoning. “Making the best of it” feels so limiting. It robs us of the beauty that is right now.

Time still passes no matter what adjustments we’ve needed to make to our day-to-day routines. Life goes on regardless of the activities and luxuries we’ve had to forego.

In the time since widespread social distancing began, spring officially started. Flowers bloomed and baby chicks hatched, oblivious to we humans’ state of living.

Weekdays still rolled into weekends, which passed into new work weeks.

👧👦 Our kids got a couple months older.

👱 We got a couple months older.

And the ‘waiting it out’ has developed into a little more waiting, and a little more. And there’s still no official end in sight.

What if we decided to be at peace with what is right now? To focus on what we do have with appreciation in spite of what we don’t have?

To take a deep breath, drop our limiting thoughts of ‘hunkering down’, and begin to live our lives in concert with this new normal, rather than letting it limit our joy?

Life isn’t about everything being perfect. Life rarely is.

If you look at the bigger picture of your life right now, you’ll likely see the amount of good in your life and in the world, see life for all of its beauty and opportunity and wonder, and see how it far surpasses what’s not right or perfect.

Beautiful things are still happening.

Just open your mind and join in.

~ Kelly 💜

P.S. I know for some of you this shift might seem impossible. When you’ve gone from the overwhelm of keeping up with your day-to-day life, to the burnout of staying on top of your multiple roles of career woman, mom, and wife in one setting, it’s easy to feel buried. I can help you dig out of that hole for good. Just click here to get started.

Note: I’m not suggesting ignoring science and social distancing protocols in any way. This is about shifting our mindsets from one of limitations to one of abundance and the ever-present beauty of life.

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