As a single working mom, you have quite a lot going on throughout your day to say the least!
When your day doesn’t go the way you planned, how do you think about it?
So many of us default to the thought “I had a hard day”.
But the truth is, there are no real hard days. Days just happen. They are neutral. All of the circumstances in them are neutral.
There is no hard to them unless we allow our minds to think that they are hard. We create the bad day in our minds by how we think about the day.
When we allow ourselves to default to thinking “I had a hard day…” or “I have a hard life…” we don’t just cause ourselves unnecessary pain.
Some of us also use it as a reason not to show up as the best version of ourselves. To hide.
Or to bury those negative emotions by engaging in diffusing or distracting behavior.
This means being grumpy towards the kids. Eating half a package of Oreos after you put them in bed. Blowing off going to the gym for the umpteenth time this month. Or going on another magnolia.com shopping spree when you know you don’t really need another six throw pillows for the sofa, but you “deserve it”.
If you’re telling the story of a hard day, you could just as easily tell the story of a great day, because it’s there too. You simply need to refocus your thinking to find the good in the day, and not let the bad overshadow it.
The Green Side Of The Grass Is…Greener?
About 10 years ago my mother was diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma, a type of cancer for which, at the time, there was no known cure and a 0% survival rate. Fortunately, her oncologist was involved in a clinical trial using stem cell transplantation as an experimental treatment.
Prior to the stem cell transplant she had to undergo months of chemotherapy, causing all of the typical side effects: hair loss, nausea, fatigue, fever spikes and other medical complications. For the transplant itself she underwent massive radiation treatment to completely strip her body of its immune system so it could then be replaced by the transplanted stem cells.
Which created even more severe and more frequent uncomfortable side effects while her body rebuilt its immunities over the following year. To no surprise, she had quite a few days when she was feeling down about her situation, just wanting it to finally stop so she could feel better.
On those days her husband would try to cheer her up by saying:
“Don’t worry, honey. As long as you’re on this side of the grass, you’re doing OK.” 🤔
As macabre as those words might seem, it illustrates something very important: there is always, always, always a better way to look at any situation in your life, no matter how difficult it may seem. No matter how bad your day may seem.
Ultimately, the choice of how you want to look at each day is yours. If you choose only to focus on the good in every day, there will be no ‘hard’ days.
So decide for yourself every day: what is it about today that makes it a great day?
Do you have a comfortable, safe home to come back to every night? People to love, and who love you in return? Food to eat, and a steady job to keep it coming?
What does it mean to be an amazing mom who handles the hard things and just keeps going, regardless? Can you do that without using self-pity, crankiness, and indulgent behavior?
Can you look back at any given day and think:
“That day was hard. And I kicked its butt, because I can do hard things. I‘m a badass, after all.”
You decide what that looks like for you, and what you’re willing to believe for yourself every day in order for that to happen.