When I watched the movie Marriage Story on Netflix a little while ago, I couldn’t help but notice some of the characters’ behavior in some of the more emotionally charged scenes from the perspective of a life coach.
And how for sure if they were my clients I would be able to coach them so that the story would have a different outcome. 😁
I became such a fan of this movie I decided to tap into some of the content to share how coaching works in everyday life situations. Because movie or not, many couples struggle the way the characters in this film did.
I even struggled to keep it down to 3 simple parts, there was so much great stuff there!
Here’s what you’ll learn in Part 1:
- ~ What really affects how we feel about someone
- ~ How & why our feelings about another person can change
- ~ The life coach’s formula for how to have a great relationship with anyone
If you’ve ever thought about how life coaching works with real-life situations, this video series is for you.
🍿Popcorn is optional.
Today I’m going to walk you through Part 1 of three big takeaways from the movie Marriage Story - from the perspective of a life coach.
Hi, I’m Kelly Heard and I am a life coach, I help moms in leadership-level careers beat their burnout, overwhelm, anxiety, and stress, and discover the kind of work-life balance that works for them.
I wanted to bring you a different kind of life coach teaching today, on the topic of relationships, using a very intense scene from the much acclaimed movie Marriage Story brought to us by the folks at Netflix.
If you haven’t seen Marriage Story, it’s about a couple Nicole, who is played by Scarlett Johanssen, and Charlie, who is played by Adam Driver, who are going through a divorce. One reason why I chose this movie to talk about is because, despite being about a fictional couple going through a fictional divorce, it is so well acted by the entire cast, including Johannssen and Driver, and is so well written and directed by writer-director Noah Baumbach, that it includes some very realistic dialogue and interactions that provide some great teaching opportunities about relationships and emotions that coaches often address with their clients.
This film was nominated for 5 Academy Awards, including Johanssen for Best Actress and Driver for Best Actor, and as we go through this scene, you’ll see why.
I’ll be giving my three big takeaways, and what life coaching can help you learn from them, using what I think is THE most intense scene of the movie, a scene that takes place towards the end of the film in which characters Nicole and Charlie decide to get together outside of the courtroom and away from the divorce lawyers to talk one to one about their divorce and their son. As we’ll see in this clip, it’s not long before the conversation escalates and goes awry.
Very, very awry.
Ok, time for takeaway number One, and this is the biggest, so get ready: Relationships are based on our thoughts about someone.
I’m going to say that again; Relationships are based on our *thoughts* about someone.
There is no tangible thing that creates a relationship. They’re not something we can see, or touch, or feel. They are all based on our thoughts. And as such, whether you think positively or negatively about another person is based on your thoughts about that person.
And it is our thoughts about someone that drives how we feel about that person.
Think about it - just use *any* person you know of as an example. There will be people you know who like that person, or who *really* like, or even love that person.
And then there will be people who don’t like that person.
Really, really don’t like that person.
That person is the same individual either way, but with all factors being equal, people can feel very differently about them. How they feel about that person is based on their thoughts about that person.
Haven’t you known of someone who you liked, or even loved, or were friends with, and at some point in your life - either suddenly or over time - you decided that you no longer liked, or loved, or no longer wanted to be friendly with that person? It’s because your *thoughts* about that person have changed.
Now *people* do change over time, but a person can change with time and we can still have positive thoughts about them. No matter what this person does, or says, or wears, or eats, or anything, doesn’t affect us *in any way* until we have a thought about it.
So, in the case of Nicole and Charlie, as with many, many couples - their marriage, we assume, started out as a loving one. But over time, they decided to *think* differently about one another, which changed the way they *felt* about one another.
Take this example of what Nicole shares a little bit later in this scene:
People used to tell me that you were too selfish to be a great artist and I used to defend you. They were absolutely right.
In the past when she had positive thoughts and feelings about Charlie, she believed that he *was* a great artist and that everyone else was wrong about him.
Now that she thinks negatively of him, she *agrees* with other people’s negative thoughts about him.
It’s important to understand how our thoughts impact the quality of a relationship, because if you are unhappy in a relationship, it really has NOTHING to do with the other person’s behavior - it’s because of the way you are thinking about that person. If you want to have a great relationship with someone, all you need to do is have great thoughts about them.
It’s as simple as that.
And sometimes it takes a lot of work. It’s not a process that comes naturally to most of us, because most of us are taught all our lives that how we feel about someone is purely based on how the other person behaves.
But that’s not the case. We have *all* the power to decide how we *want* to think and feel about someone, and if we *choose* to have a great relationship with someone, all we need to do is choose *how* to think about that person.
And there we have Part one of three life coaching lessons based on the Academy Award nominated movie, Marriage Story.
Be sure to keep watching as I break this scene down even further with more juicy life coaching lessons in Parts 2 and 3 of the series.
If you liked this video be sure to give it a thumbs up if you’re watching on YouTube, or like the Kelly Heard Coaching page if you’re watching on Facebook. And if you know of someone else who could benefit from this life coaching lesson, please be sure to share it, whatever platform you’re watching on.
And if you think you’d benefit from taking this work further, head to kellyheardcoaching.com to find out how to get started for FREE!